Thursday, June 26, 2014

You're Missed - 6.22.2014 [Nate]

Molly Toombs

The Denver Public Library nestled in the downtown district of the city was a massive building.  From the outside it appeared as a hodge-podge of different buildings all glued together, but the interior helped it to all come together.  The ceilings were high, and the many windows allowed the bright and crisp morning sunlight to filter through and highlight the particles of dust that danced and floated in the air, carrying the smell of many tomes along with them.

There's a cafe located at the east entrance of the central library branch, so espresso and coffee smells mingled with the rest.  Molly Toombs had arrived early in the morning, not long after the doors had opened to the public.  She was one of the first customers to show up at the cafe and request a drink, and among the first (that wasn't homeless, anyways) to start floating her way between bookshelves and up staircases.

Ultimately she ended up in the non-fiction section, where the Dewey Decimal system was king.  In the tail end of the 300's, Molly Toombs could be found standing with a drink in her hand, sunglasses pushed up into her very red hair (no visible roots, it was growing out to match the dye she'd covered the black up with).  She was dressed to impress, even though her attire was casual, for that was Molly Toombs's way.  A pair of coral-colored shorts fit well on thick thighs, and a navy tank-top with loose folds and ties of fabric served well to keep her cool without displaying too much cleavage or putting her soft middle on display for judgment.

Some patrons would browse books with earbuds and headphones, to tune out the public, but not Molly Toombs.  Even when daylight kept her safe from her more sincere concerns, she knew better than to expect that it would stave off all threats.  Dark could find its way into even the brightest situations, and she's seen it happen often enough already to expect otherwise.  So, when feet would shuffle by, Molly would glance up and about for a moment before going back to what she was doing-- skimming the spines of books until she could find what she was after.


Nathan Amherst

Given the events that transpire when the sun sinks below the horizon it has to come as no small comfort for the humans of this city to see each other out during the daylight. Doesn't preclude them from having become enthralled to the creatures who themselves live in fear of what roils beneath the surface of the earth but at least it means they have their heartbeats.

Nathan and Molly have not seen each other since the morning before Kragen Kingsmith detonated a car bomb a couple of miles from their current location. That morning he had been sleep-deprived and wild-eyed and cutting ties with anyone he thought still had anything to do with vampires without actually being or serving a vampire. They never had a chance to talk about what happened the night before or what went through his head when he decided to offload Shannon's cat onto her.

That kitten had always been Shannon's kitten. It grew up into Shannon's cat. Shannon has been dead nearly eight months. So it goes.

She can't hear him coming any more than she can hear anyone else. The quiet clump of motorcycle boots on carpet and the rustling of unseen objects in loose pockets. Nate is not an imposing physical figure but he is not delicate either.

When their paths cross they run parallel to each other. Nate may or may not have intended to locate the 398.45 call number in the vast rows of stacks but that's where Molly is when he glances down the lane and sees her. He doesn't know how to respond or if he should acknowledge that he's seen her or what to do about the mourning ache in his chest even though she's still alive and standing right in front of him.

Maybe she didn't see him. His hesitation only lasted a couple of seconds.


Molly Toombs

Of course Molly saw Nate when he paused in the same row of shelves as her.  She was an attentive sort, aware of the area surrounding her.  So when a figure in heavy boots came into her peripherals, she blinked and glanced up and past her shoulder to check in-- largely just to make sure it wasn't someone she should be worried about; that it wasn't some apparition come to summon her to a task or duty that humans really shouldn't be involved in in the first place.

Nate could at least rest assured that Molly looked well-- she's somehow managed to keep herself alive and healthy even with her refusal to separate herself from the world of the supernatural as he had done.  She was seeing enough sun that her skin was pink and bright (freckled folks don't really hold a tan, you see), and she wasn't stressed enough to lose weight from lack of eating.  There weren't bruises to circle and ring her eyes-- she was sleeping sufficiently as well.  If Nate didn't know better, he would be able to peg her for a normal, healthy woman in her mid-twenties.

But then Molly glanced up and found Nate's face, and the multitude of different messages that fizzled within the line of eye contact reminded the both of them that there was nothing normal in what they knew about one another at all.  The simple relief that the other person was alive demonstrated on its own, without the help of anything else, how abnormal their lives actually were.

The curvy red-head mirrored the ache and looked something like a deer in the headlights upon recognizing Nate.  She shouldn't be surprised by running into him-- they did live in the same city after all.  She had almost convinced herself that he'd willed himself out of her plane of existence with his desire to separate from vampires and those involved with him.

Unsure of where they stood, of what was acceptable conduct, Molly had been locked with hesitation for a few moments as well.  When those moments passed and her brain reminded her to do something besides stare and look uncertain, she pulled her mouth into a small smile and raised her free hand to wave.  Didn't approach, though-- he was the one that walked away from her, remember?


Nathan Amherst

His therapist's favorite thing to do is get him to talk about people he doesn't talk to anymore as if they're still in his life. Sometimes it's the dead ones but mostly it's the women in his life who he's either pushed away or who have pushed him away and his therapist is going to start blaming all of his problems on his mother if he doesn't manage to maintain a healthy relationship with a woman for longer than a few months.

That isn't why Nate hesitates. He hesitates because he'd overreacted that day. He'd thrown out everything that reminded him of a life he wasn't living anymore and Nate like most bullheaded men stuck to his decision even though he was wrong because he didn't want to be the one to pick up the phone and apologize.

Movement of her head and the cut of her smile have him aborting his step away from her aisle. That wave reels him back. Nate's looking carved-down compared to how he looked when last she saw him. Stress maybe or he's just quit drinking so goddamn much. Beer has a lot of calories and so does whiskey. He hasn't had a haircut since he got out of the hospital this last time but his hair does not grow very quickly.

His scar is still pink. The weather has him wearing short sleeves and with sunglasses off there's no ignoring the one on his face.

He stands still for several seconds and it looks as if he's trying to gear himself up to say something. Lips part and he draws a breath and then he frowns because what the fuck is he supposed to say to her exactly. That breath comes back out in a rush and the frown doesn't dissipate and then he's walking towards her.

Unless she does something to stop him Nate throws his arms around her shoulders and hauls her into an embrace.


Molly Toombs

When Nate had initially come into view, Molly's fingers had been at the edge of a book spine, prepared to pull it loose from where it was wedged between others on the shelf.  That had been abandoned to wave hello, and was forgotten entirely (for the moment, at least) when Nate approached.  Molly stood facing him directly, turned away so the shelf had her shoulder rather than her front, and waited.

She thought he was going to start with a 'hello' or something along those lines.  Molly anticipated that conversation would be awkward and stiff, though her body language was neither.  She could choose to be angry with him for how he'd broken off their friendship and dumped bad feelings and a cat that was a symbol for those bad feelings in her lap.  From how she kept that small polite smile on her face, though, he could tell she was making a choice to avoid pettiness.

The hug that he substituted a verbal greeting with came as a surprise, and Molly's coppery eyebrows hopped up on her forehead.  She didn't pull away from him, though, or push him back from her.  Rather, after a moment's pause, Molly tucked her chin over the top of Nate's shoulder and wrapped her arms around his ribs.  A hand patted his back a few times, then she went still.  The way she exhaled slow and complete said the hug was a relief, a better way to make a patch, however temporary, on the fissure between them.

Molly would leave it to Nate to decide when to break away and lean back.  From over his shoulder and near his knee she said, in a low voice:  "I'm glad you're okay."


Nathan Amherst

Although he doesn't leap away from physical contact the reporter doesn't strike anyone he meets as being an overly feely individual. He doesn't touch other people's hands or shoulders to try and bestow comfort when they're upset. They were friends for the better part of a year before he kissed her the first and only time and he was drunk when it happened.

That she returns the hug rather than pushing him away to remind him that hey, asshole, you're the one who walked away is as much of a comfort to him as his presence is to her. His next breath is more of a huff than a sigh. Like he honestly thought she would be dead by now and seeing that she isn't has done nothing more than remind him of all the terrors waiting for night to fall. Of how she walks among them and speaks to them as if her life has no other purpose than to shine a light. Not to beat them back but to understand.

Nate doesn't understand her but he never really tried either.

The embrace only lasts until she speaks. It tightens between her breath and her voice and then he lets her go. Steps back so they can see each other proper and puts his hands back in his pockets and he nods. Like well-p. Here we are.

His eyes flick to the spines of the books she's facing and he looks as if he wants to laugh but he's too tired to follow through on it.

"You looking for beach reading?" he asks.


Molly Toombs

"If there were beaches in Denver, I could answer yes."

Molly separated from the hug smoothly, and also stepped back to put a more cordial space between herself and the man that she still called a friend, though the relationship has been split in two for a while now.  The last that Nathan has probably heard of Molly was from his girlfriend, telling him about the coffee that they'd shared so much time ago, when it seemed like maybe Nate was two-timing.  Molly'd kept her head down after that, she didn't mean to cause waves and hated to bring ruin to a relationship.  It's no wonder that Nate worried she was dead, for how well she'd respected his hasty demand that she not call him again.  She'd stopped reaching out entirely.

His hands went to pockets, and Molly used her free hand to cup her opposite elbow, supporting the 20 ounce paper coffee cup that she held.  A sip was drawn from it, her eyes hopped to the spines of the books and then back to Nate's face again.  Her expression was mildly apologetic with a dash of humor-- Well, what do you do?, was the message behind it.

"You know, knowledge is power and all.  After a while the internet runs out of Truth and just feeds you movie plots."  Her mouth twisted to a somewhat wry smile that she wore to continue with.  "Gotta stay on the up-and-up.  How are things with you?"


Nathan Amherst

"Shitty."

Well as long as they're being honest. It's hard to tell just by looking for him what his life is actually doing to him. Even when he's on an even keels he looks as if he hasn't seen the sun or a good night's sleep in over a month and if the encounter Molly had with Carole at the coffeehouse was any indication his life has not been on an even keel for a good amount of time.

Carole is a terrible liar. She has better luck telling when another person is lying than she does lying herself but she's still young. She doesn't know how to respond to hearing her boyfriend may or may not have slept with another woman while they were not speaking to each other.

But Nate answers the question so offhand it doesn't seem as if he has anything more to say about it.
"But at least I haven't had Twilight fan art pop up in any of my Google searches lately. So I've got that going for me."


Molly Toombs

Molly pressed her mouth into a line of quiet worry when he honestly answered that things are less-than-superb.  'Shitty', even, to quote him directly.  He looked like he didn't see much sun or sleep, but that was a norm for Nathan Amherst (she'd be aware of his name change from the paper, if he was printing with the new name now instead of Marszalek).  He seemed to have a little less bulk to him, but didn't appear sickly.  No fresh injuries, with breath and pulse, that was about as much as she could ask for in his health.

She didn't chuckle for the joke about fan art, and instead shook her head a little and sipped her coffee some more.

"That's a plus.  I hope nothing to... ah, mirror that has popped up in your actual physical life since....?"  She didn't quite finish the fractured sentence, but he knew what she was getting at.  She was checking to see if other vampires have come after him since he made his effort to separate himself from that society entirely.  Her gaze was open, a bit earnest, but mostly searching and curious (ever curious, Miss Toombs) for the answer over the plastic lid of her cup.

"I mean, that was the idea.  I just hope it worked.  That way it could be worth it, at least."


Nathan Amherst

[odds yes evens no!]
Dice: 1 d10 TN6 (7) ( success x 1 )


Nathan Amherst

It wasn't worth it. If Molly can tell nothing else just by looking at him it's that pushing her away had neither solved anything nor had it done what he had wanted it to do. For all that's happened to him in the last quarter century he isn't an angry or volatile young man. Doesn't turn into a sopping mess when he's had too much to drink. Doesn't air his regrets or his pain to anyone who will listen. Gets a little belligerent sometimes but that's a side effect of finding himself surrounded by assholes.

He tries to smile like that's going to dissuade her of the notion that it wasn't a terrible idea. It just makes him look the haunted that he always is.

Someone comes up the stairs and starts walking brisk her sandals calling out slapslapslapslap as she approaches her pace picking up as her point in space and theirs draw nearer and Nate glances away two seconds before a tall blond girl wearing very short denim shorts and a halter top comes around the corner of the shelf and bumps into Nate not to try and knock him over but just to nudge him. Hey brother. Whatcha doin'. That sort of a bump.

The girl is only a few inches shorter than Nathan and if Molly actually looks at them it's not hard to see they're related. But she has to stop and actually look. The girl has long arms and legs and an athletic build and wavy sun-bleached hair that unrestrained as it is falls to the middle of her back. Her eyes are green instead of brown and they have a mischievous good humor to them even when she isn't smiling. She's carrying a pink-and-white blended drink in one hand and a trio of books in the other.

"Ow," Nate says to the elbow colliding with his side.
"I'm done," the girl says. It takes his attention off of Molly.
"You were gone for like five seconds."

"I don't mess around when I'm at the library." She looks away from him to acknowledge Molly and beams at her. "Hi."

"Molly, this is my sister," he says. "She's a pain in the ass. Hannah, this is my friend Molly."

Hannah lifts her drink in lieu of reaching out to shake her hand.


Molly Toombs

The smile was a lie, and no words had to pass to conclude that discussion.  He would try to lie about how well his separation maneuver had worked out by using that smile, and he saw how Molly's eyes turned to a sympathetic shade of blue.  He knew she saw through that, and the expression was a simple and honest Oh, Nate.

Then Hannah introduced herself into the equation, and initially Molly wondered if this was a new girlfriend, if Carole had vanished from the equation.  Then the two spoke with one another and Molly had time to recognize that their cheekbones and chins and the shape of their eyes and mouths shared similarities.  Her hair was the same as what Nathan's would be if it was long and witnessed more sunlight.

Nathan introduced the younger woman as his sister, and the lift of the drink was mirrored in kind with Molly's hot coffee cup-- apparently she wasn't one for fruity blended drinks herself, even when it was a pleasant day in summer.

"Good to meet you.  You picked the best time of year to come to Colorado to visit-- surprise snowstorms are more a May thing than a June one."


Nathan Amherst

As she gets herself of a mind to stand and cockblock for a few seconds Hannah adopts a slouching teenage girl's posture that lends another layer of difference between her and her military-stiff brother. Weight cocked on one hip and swaying a bit like she wants to fidget. Like she has all this energy she doesn't know what to do with.

Hard to believe they have the same parents but there is that nine-year age difference and the fact that Hannah doesn't hear dead people and hasn't been to a war zone.

"Everybody keeps saying that," Hannah says. Nate keeps one hand in his pocket while the other turns into a pointed finger to poke her in the arm and ribs as she talks. It makes her squirm but she otherwise ignores him. "I'm from Nebraska, it takes more than weird weather to impress me." Now she knees Nate in the thigh. He puts her in a loose headlock. It doesn't shut her up. "Do you, like, work together?"


Molly Toombs

A chuckle preceded Molly's answer.  "Nebraska?  Shoot, I'd expect that everything would impress you if that's the case.  Besides sprawling corn fields, anyways."  Molly glanced to Nate as he prodded at his sister, dishing up revenge for her introduction into the conversation by way of elbow to older brother's ribs.  The age difference was apparent-- Molly couldn't help but think of her younger brother who'd just graduated from school several weeks ago.

A faint look of nostalgia, maybe even a touch of distant fondness, was shaken away when the question of how they knew each other was presented.  Molly fielded it with a shake of her head and another sip of her coffee.

"No, I'm a nurse at St. Luke's-- the hospital that's right downtown.  We just ran into each other at a bar that's positioned between our workplaces.  Started talking, started hanging out.  You know-- friends."  Eyes flicked briefly toward Nate's face, as though seeing how he felt about that answer, wondering if they were going to be in mutual agreement about not discussing their falling out and divide.  It was better not to, if you asked Moll.  That way they didn't have to come up with some lie about why Nate bailed in a panic of haste and self-preservation.

"I think I remember Nate saying you're a student-- what are you studying?"

Oh look, pleasant, normal, human subjects.  Molly does remember how to function as a typical person, it seems.


Nathan Amherst
It doesn't surprise her that she's come up in conversation if they met at a bar and he's a reporter and she's a nurse. Talking about family must be a nice change of pace compared to talking about dead people and murders and whatever else it is that reporters and nurses talk about.

The headlock loosens once Hannah settles in against his side. She gets too comfortable and Nate pushes her off of him and the girl laughs quiet so as not to interrupt Molly. They settle down now Nate with his hands in his pockets leaning against the shelves. Hannah sips her drink. Holds her books against the hip now-again holding her weight.

"Everything," she says. "My major's Development Studies but I think I need to double major in Political Science so I can get everything I want to have on my transcript before I apply to law school because they don't have an International Relations major like everybody else does."

"I keep telling her to transfer to NYU or Columbia if she wants to go to law school but she doesn't listen to me."

"I don't wanna be in New York the next time you wind up in the hospital. Plane tickets are expensive."
"Transfer to NYU."
"Shut up."
"Hannah."
She looks away from him and rolls her eyes in Molly's direction. That good humor persisting. Her brother is such a pain in the ass.
"Hannah, tr--"

"I'm walking away now," she says and then she walks away. Slapslapslapslap go her sandals as she wanders to the other side of the floor to browse around in the business section.


Molly Toombs

Quiet as a mouse, Molly watched the exchange and did nothing to interrupt it.  Eyes hopped from Hannah to Nate like watching a ping-pong match when they spoke in turn.  Nate wanted her to transfer somewhere else, and she insisted upon staying on account of how often he ended up in the hospital, or so it seemed.  Once she'd walked away with a slapslap of sandals on the bottoms of her feet, Molly turned her eyes from the girl's retreating back to Nathan once more.  Eyebrows crawled up on her forehead.

"So, she's living out here now?"  Those brows creased down some.

"I see why you want her to transfer."  Pause, and then.  "Does she know?  About any of this?"  Of course, he knows what 'this' means.


Nathan Amherst

Once she's gone Nate takes his hand out of his pocket and scrubs his face with it. The liveliness come into him when she was around saps just as soon as she isn't. His relationship with her is different from any relationship he has with anyone else on the planet but he was nine years old when she was born. He had to take care of her when their parents spent that year in court battling over custodial rights. Was the only holdover from their old life that she didn't rage at when they moved to Nebraska. Lord knows how angry she must have been at him when he enlisted and went off to war.

So, she's living out here now?

"Internship in Fort Collins for the summer," he says behind his hand.

Does she know? About any of this?

He pockets his hand and huffs out another breath. When he answers he's looking back over his shoulder at the empty space in her wake like to make sure she won't sneak up on him while they're talking.

"I've never told her anything." He looks back and runs his hand through his hair. Half the sentence he speaks while looking at her shoes. Doesn't give her back his gaze until the end of it. "Told my dad about the hearing-ghosts thing a couple months ago and... y'know, he didn't know what to say."

Alright. This has been fun.

"I'll, uh..." He clears his throat. "I'll get outta your hair now. It was good to see you."


Molly Toombs

As Nate spoke, Molly nodded, quiet and supportive.  It was like she was afraid that if she became too animated she would frighten Nate off.  "It's a difficult pill to swallow unless you've seen things firsthand."  She was guessing that his father hasn't had much experience with the supernatural.

When he stated that he'd get out of her hair, Molly pulled a smile across her mouth again.  It was a little sad, like being on the outside looking in.  The last time they'd seen one another, actual months had passed before they reunited again, and this was only just by chance.

But Moll, he could've just walked away.  Could have given you his shoulder and gone off into another aisle.  That didn't happen, now did it?  Relax, he's still around.

"It was good to see you too."  He was going to be the one to walk away, not her, so Molly's posture didn't change.  She would wait for him to go rejoin his sister and get back to her book browsing, but before that happened she stated hopefully and honestly:  "I'd love it if you called sometime.  You're missed, you know."

The way she spoke made it clear that she wasn't putting him on the spot or demanding an answer.  He didn't need to confirm whether he was going to be calling or seeing her again.  She just wanted him to know, really, that the radio silence wasn't going both ways.  He'd told her not to call and she'd respected that, so it was instead on his plate to reach back out again.  But he could figure out when that would be on his own.  Molly would (probably) still be alive to answer the phone when he opted to call.

"See you later, Nate."


Nathan Amherst

You're missed, you know.

It doesn't put him on the spot. People need to hear things like that. They have no way of knowing they're loved or appreciated or missed unless the other person gives the thought words. It's an echoed sentiment even if he doesn't give it words. In the silence she can see him swallow and he nods his head and that's not that but it's going to have to serve for now.

Anyone could have told Molly that it's both easy and difficult to love Nate but Molly has never been the kind of woman to find contentment in taking telling at its surface value. She needs to experience it on her own and she has.

The last two months may turn into yet another regret for him but the offer is there. If the fates are kind this won't be the last they see of each other. He hasn't deleted her number from his phone.

"Alright," he says at the end of all that. Hovers at the end of the stack a moment longer than he needs to. Then he nods and turns and walks away.

Low hum of the central air conditioner. Dust motes dancing in the sunbeams loud through huge glass windows. Hannah's sandals slapslapslapping and the low murmur of their voices and then everything is as it was.

The book Molly was looking for is right where it's supposed to be.

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